Embodying Your Inner Bitch-Queen
a manifesto on reclaiming yourself
“You are the altar, not the sacrifice.” Your eyes catch on the pin, how many of us have seen this one on Pinterest? The words settle in your chest like an unspoken truth you’ve always known but never claimed. You nod, almost imperceptibly, as if in quiet agreement with a version of yourself you’ve yet to meet. You pin it to the board where you tuck away all of the pieces of the woman you want to be.
You are moved by the idea, but moving toward it? That’s another story. We’re taught that womanhood is a project, agreeableness a kind of currency. That if we are nice enough, patient enough, easygoing enough, life will be smooth. The expectation is not just to be good, but to be in a perpetual state of becoming. Less reactive, less needy, less much. Better dressed, better spoken, better behaved. Never resting, always improving. A walking humanitarian project.
This is how they trap you, because once you believe that the work is never done, you will spend your entire life trying to soften the edges that were meant to keep you sharp. And for what? So you remain easy to digest? So you are never an inconvenience? So no one can call you difficult? How uninspiring.
The most magnetic women I know have one thing in common: they move through the world like they belong as they are, because they do. We all do. It’s just that some of us have been conditioned to shrink for the comfort of others, while some of us claim space without hesitation. And usually, when the latter is a woman, she is deemed a bitch. Yawn, so be it. If anything, I encourage it, it's much more fun. If anything, I think it’s imperative to your happiness that you nurture your inner bitch-queen.
The Bitch-Queen as a Divine Archetype
Throughout history and mythology, the bitch-queen has been revered, feared, or both. Some of the greatest figures in legend embody her energy:
Persephone: From innocent maiden to queen of the underworld, a woman who learned how to wield power and take up space in the most feared kingdom of all.
Medusa: The ultimate “misunderstood villain” turned symbol of feminine rage and untouchable power. A woman so dangerous that looking at her directly could end you.
Lilith: The original defiant woman. Refused to submit to Adam, was demonized for it, and still didn’t care.
Morgana le Fay: Enchantress, strategist, power player. The sorceress who played men at their own game.
Eris: Goddess of discord. Didn’t get invited to a party, so she started a war (Trojan War, to be exact). If that isn’t main character energy, what is?
Every culture has its stories of the sovereign woman, the one who defied expectation and reigned over her own domain without asking permission. The bitch-queen is not just a trope, she is a recurring force across history and mythology, a woman both adored and feared.
To embody the bitch-queen is to remember your lineage, to understand that women have not always been expected to be small, agreeable, self-sacrificing. There was a time when we were gods, warriors, rulers, witches, and much of our true nature lies in these tropes.
The world tells you to be nicer, softer, smaller. But why would you choose to be decorative when you were meant to be sovereign?
Bitch Queen Energy (BQE): The Difference Between Presence and Performance
The good girl seeks approval. She negotiates her worth. She asks for permission. She waits for an invitation into power that will never come.
The bitch-queen crowns herself. She does not wait to be chosen. She does not soften her words to be palatable. She is self-possessed, fully contained. To be a bitch-queen is to master the art of sovereignty, the understanding that you are your own center of gravity, that your presence is not up for debate, that your power is yours to command. It is to shift from seeking validation to bestowing access.
This is not about coldness. It is about intentionality. Not everyone deserves a front row seat to your existence.
There is a difference between being magnetic and being performative. BQE does not beg for attention or manufacture allure. You’ve met women like this before, the ones who move through a room without explaining themselves and make others adjust to their presence.